DragonFly. I took this photo when I was on my way home. I saw it resting on my car's water sprinkler (If that's what it's called, I have no idea) :) 

Sunset in EDSA
I don't mean I was in EDSA when I took this picture. What I meant was I took this sunset during the EDSA revolution day; it was holiday. Just got this near our home. Nature is always a beautiful shot I may say. Boys were playing basketball; some doing somersaults with their skateboards; children playing tag at the ski rink; mother's watching by, exchanging stories, and me? Just finished working at the studio doing music.

Who Killed... Explained

Obviously, you’re wondering what does the picture below mean. I just saw a column in our local newspaper about a dead musical ‘genius.’ But, it wasn’t he I was referring to. It was I. In the beginning, when I was just little, I never have guessed that I will be involved in music. Because before, I was into painting and was good at it. I won awards after awards, always first in art contests. My peak at that time when I received a gold medal in an international art exhibition held in Japan. So, I thought that someday I will be a great artist, and it was not an impossible dream. Until, I got in high school. My reputation as an artist in grade school was never acknowledged in high school. So, I joined another art contest that will regain my former glory once more. But, that never happened and failed miserably. I remembered that day when I got a call that the contest was about to begin, and I have forgotten all about it. I was caught in a surprise, and I haven’t got my favorite craypas- a medium just like pastel. So, what I did was I went to our bookstore and bought stubborn crayons, which I never used it before in contests like this. The big difference between crayons and craypas is that crayons do not blend. In craypas, if you mix two colors it produces a different shade. As you’ve guessed, I failed miserably. They even showed my horrible work. What a disgrace. So, after I destroyed myself, I never joined again in that same school.

What I never realized that in that same school, I learned a different kind of art, music. It was a day to remember. I wrote, I dunno, hundreds? Of songs since then. That beginning led me to what I am today: a self proclaimed musician (in short, frustrated). If it was not because of that glorious day, I never have found my musical gift. Unlike in painting, I never won any awards but I do know in my heart it was good. But, today was the day that singer died. Not because of lack of love, but a transformation of mind. Now, I was not doing it for her, but for the love of that gift and the giver.

Who Killed The Singer!?! 

Regino, Charlie and I. These are my relatives. We got together at Roxas and ate a hearty feast. The night was filled with music, and every music has its story. We shared some experiences and laughters under a clear sky. Charlie has different sim cards for his different "cats." Regino is always the hard working, techy guy still defending the Linux's unending battle with Windows. Definitely, a memorable night, and this picture will make it written history of my life. Charlie will be going back to Cagayan this wednesday. A terrible picture I might say!!

Dying Species

I have to wake up early to call up the office, but I guess God didn’t allow me. My nephew and I, are going to a long trip to see the animation fest. We were hoping to watch Sponge Bob at 2pm, but we arrived late at 3pm, I presume there are still more shows after that. So, after a 10-minute walk, we finally arrived at the Podium. We even have to go up to the last floor where the cinemas are showing. We both are excited to see what’s in store for us; our expectations were high to find out that the film we caught is for mature audiences only, and to top that, it’s in French. Of course, for me it’s fine because I know how to read the sub titles, and can understand the bloody killings and gun fights and even sex, but for a eight year old kid? It’s like Sponge Bob is more like a code name for entering night clubs during the Black Dragon underground society! The story is interesting though, we have to go home for it’s a long way back and I have fellowships with my friends. I can feel his disappointments over the film, but there is one thing that made us happy to experience. When we were on our way to the fest, we passed through a classy mall. Obviously, we lined-up for inspection of our bags. Today, unusually maybe because we are on a long trip, I pad locked my bag. When we got to the security guards, I forgot to unlock it, and so the guard asked me if it’s locked. I said, “Yes.” a bit confused. Then he told me to put the bag down on the floor, and so I did. Surprisingly, another guard walked in with a big dog (like a dinosaur), went to my bag and sniffed it. GM saw the dog and he never saw a dog that big (and could sniff bags). I told him that they use the dog to sniff out for bombs or narcotics, or the missing plutonium in Britain. When we got back, I took a picture of him and the dog (well, it’s a different dog, but it has the same job title anyway).

On our way home riding on a van, I told him things that a child must be aware of. That there is evil, and there is good. After seeing the huge dog, he asked me about dinosaurs, and why they got extinct. I even told him the vanishing elephants, and how man destroyed such beautiful creatures just for money. The world is in itself perfect because it was good, but because of man’s flaws made it a dying species.

Slow Learners

Yesterday, I was surprised to know that Philippines is one of the richest country in Southeast Asia. And yet, many and even more people are living in poverty everyday. The answer may not be obvious, for as learned men, we know that the cause might be math or the subject called economics. For politicians, it’s about laws; for policemen, it’s peace, and for the rest, it’s just the lack of money or the abundance of bills.

Today, I went out to get papers for my business and pay my taxes, unfortunately because of my ignorance, I need to pay for additional penalties due for the past year and also for this year. The officer I talked to last month, the one who computed my taxes, was nowhere to be found, and I thought he was a regular employee. Anyway, I lined-up to ask some assistance there. When it was my turn, this guy told me to verify my TIN number, and so I did. I lined up again and waited patiently for my turn, when he purposely finished everyone in line and took my turn last. He said to me in some fast and silent tone that he will make some ‘way’ to help me lower my taxes that I don’t have to pay my penalties for the whole year. He gave me his personal number with his name and told me to think about it and call him tomorrow morning, for he will ‘personally’ hand carry my documents for payments and approval. He seems to be doing me a great favor. “Yeah, right!”

My point is, this kind of selfishness, lawlessness, and simple disobedience what makes this country poor. God blessed this country with abundant natural resources, but we people make our own curses that lead to our own sufferings. Like what happened last year, when a strong storm hit some provinces up north, almost a thousand people died. Not because of the storm but because of the landslides that destroyed lives. The root cause? Because of lack of trees? Yes, because of illegal loggers. Some people are just slow learners.

Trivial Pursuits

Today, I have computer classes and I’m eager to learn new things. Of course, everyday we do learn new things except that it depends if we sit back for awhile and ponder the things that happened throughout the day. I’m been late to my classes three straight Saturdays, and so my eagerness is somewhat far from the truth. Throughout my life, I’ve always been prompt whether in high school, college, church or work because I believe that promptness is a sign of respect to others- to my teachers, preachers and bosses. But lately, I just having a hard time waking up early, and even a hard time getting sleep at night. The reason is not something in my head but something I have.

As long as I could remember, I’ve always been eager in learning new things, but age has its toll. This year I’m turning another year older and getting stubborn. I do still respect teachers but it depends on what kind of teachers. What I’ve learned, there are three kinds of teachers: One, teaches the lesson based on their experiences and never follows the curriculum or uses the book provided. Two, teachers who teach based solely on the book provided page by page. And three, the teacher who let the students do the learning and teaching.There is a deeper reason for my eagerness to learn to fade; lack of motivation and my discouragement in my present situation. I’ve been studying all my life, reading books two inch thick, and spending almost all my life in front of the computer. What I’ve learned for two years of work is that it is harder to solve human problems than mathematical equations, for humans are so unpredictable unlike with computers, there is a definite cure. I would look back and safely say that I’ve wasted my life in trivial pursuits. What is more important is flesh and blood because they are the ones who will love you or hate you. God didn’t say to love Him only, but also to love others as self.

Lost Treasure

This is the start of his wonder years when he learns about small things like how to play basketball, save money, or ride a bicycle. Today, I taught him some small rules to live by when having adventure with his small bike. The funny thing was the bike he’s using came from me when I was still his age. That bike sure does come a long way! Ah, memories… When I saw him yesterday riding the bicycle, maybe I thought, I’m going to teach him some valuable lessons. So, I went to our storeroom, where we put our antique junk, and old wardrobes complete with cobwebs, and saw this dusty, rusty, old bike hanging at the ceiling. I rattled it from its place, and brought it down, polished it a little, inflated its tires, for another age old adventure awaits us. Actually, this was my sister’s bike, back in the old days. I remembered the time when the three of us, my two close friends and I, launched a full day travel around the world. Well, that’s how it looks when we were still small because for us, it’s still a small world. Sadly, one of my friends, who is younger than I, passed away just last year. I was heart-broken. After he and his family left our neighborhood, we never saw each other again and parted ways, we were the best pals, and it’s like a part of my childhood was washed away by the sea. Today, seeing that bike again brought back those precious moments that I thought was forgotten. To remember and to share those snapshots in my mind to my nephew was a rebirth that once was lost, but now was found. Every time I hear the laughter of children outside, I hear the first chapters of my life inside. But, like a dead tree, a new leaf has sprung in this place called Earth.

Boys' Turf

If you wait for something to happen while you’re inside your house then chances are you won’t see anything new. That’s why I regularly go out to the park and walk my dog. It does not only make your dog happy, but it also calms your nerves from the fresh air outside. So often, I see children playing basketball at the open court; I see unusual cars passing by our street, and even hear tunes emanating from our neighbors. My dog and I usually go the same route everyday, for she has this favorite spot. As we passed the so-called tennis court turned skateboard rink, I saw a lone, young girl wearing red with her mother walking towards the rink. Obviously, she’s new and trying to blend in with those male trashers or skateboarders as I call them. As I was observing, I noticed the girl came back arguing to her mother with her skateboard feeling disappointed. “Welcome to the boys’ turf,” I guess. A little appalled to what I saw, I thought, “Why don’t they even give her a chance and make more friends even if she’s a girl?” I mean, our president is female. And maybe, that’s the reason why those frustrated-to-be-president boys are picking on her and trying to remove her from office. Even yesterday, someone gave her a Valentine’s present-eleven innocent people dead. Those people responsible, yes those boys are just insane! But, even the Bible tells and teaches us that women must submit to their husband. I guess the Bible again has proved again right. For men are first to be created and women came from men, and therefore women must support whatever decision her man must make within the bounds of right and wrong. I’m not trying to demean or put women as ‘slaves’ to men, but we all have a position, a role in life. Like, a janitor is no lesser than a CEO. We are all equal in the eyes of God, and we should fulfill our roles in this world. If an elected president is a woman, then she must do her work, her place in society, to lead and to serve as willed by God. Boys, we must admit, that there is a higher being that we should still submit, not women, but God himself.

The Piano

Today is Valentine’s Day, and I know that today is something special. I wake up a few hours before noon, still trying to gain some balance for my mind is still half sleep. I saw my calendar with a cupid drawn inside the little, empty box, figuring my plans for the rest of the afternoon. I intend to finish some parts of my website that unexpectedly after just three hours of editing and typing, I finished it. Usually, when I have lots of time to waste, I go downstairs and play my century old piano. It’s not just a piano with strings, or wood and keys, but it is my friend. We did great things together. Musical notes flies unto the air while I skillfully played the part of the orchestrator whose fingers rolls from one note to the other. But, in Valentine’s Day, I did not. A silent promise I made should be sincere to avoid the love that once was but now gone. A hopeless stream of dreams and imagination that captures far from reality. Reality that I should accept, if not awaken from the siren of the truth, which is, she is gone. As night falls, I know that somewhere just a couple of miles from where I’m standing, she’s having caviar for dinner and wine for her lips; holding a hand different from mine. A question that encircles round and round again like a broken phono playing a song entitled, “What now?” After twelve years of eagerness is crushed by the sense of reality that I have been forgotten, not in her mind, but in her heart. The soft music of love and passion is now blown away in to the wind in the night where nobody knows where it’s going. Lost in a breeze; lost in a moment. There is no reason to bring the happiness again with my old friend- the piano.

Talking to Sheep

Talking for me is an art. It searches your inner being and thoughts and expresses that self to others. Others might be a thing, like your computer when it’s downloading something or processing a load of data and you don’t want it to crash. Or someone, when you have nothing to do and when things become so boring and gossip on celebrities of choice. Or, in this case, sheep. After I had my winter vacation in UK, while traveling on a bus, you can see a picturesque of endless, wide, sloping, green pastures with different kinds of woolly sheep grazing into the whole countryside. What I’ve noticed is that almost 90% of their lives consist of eating, for I never saw a sheep tried to have some rest or talk to other sheep; they just eat. I feel sorry about them because, they spend all their life staying to survive just to be butchered and eaten by more advanced sheep: men. I’ve thought about what is life being a simple shepherd. Why do we have to choose a life of stress and fatigue when we can live like simple shepherds and talk to sheep? Moses did that after 40 years of being the son of a pharaoh. During his early 40 years in Egypt, he got the highest education, got influential circle of friends, ate at the royal court, and has the future of becoming the next ruler of the most powerful land in that time. Until, he wasted it all up and talked to sheep by being a simple shepherd for another 40 years. As we already know the rest of the story, God did not choose him during the time when he got all the learning, but when he was just a humble shepherd. I guess, during a lifetime of shepherding, he learned to talk not only sheep but to God. Talking to sheep and God has some similarities as I’ve observed because you got to say everything you like, everything you need, your concerns and your inner self is exposed, for nobody’s around but you and Him or the sheep. I believe everyone has experienced talking alone with God because you wanted to talk the language of the heart. Like any language, you need to practice and of course, be sincere. Just like what Jesus said, “When you pray [talk to God], do not be like the hypocrites! They love to stand and pray in the houses of worship and on the street corners, so that everyone will see them. I assure you, they have already paid in full. But when you pray, go to your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what you do in private, will reward you.” Another similarity is that when you talk to sheep or God, it reflects the essence of self, and everything about you will be made known. Therefore, talking is a form of art.

But, after all these observations, I must conclude, that the biggest and only difference between sheep and God is that a sheep never listens.

Breaking the Cycle of Life

Today, I’ve been asked the most difficult question to answer: “Do you like to read?” Obviously, my answer came after a long pause and got my brain churning some steam again. “Before, but now I guess not.” Maybe, you’re been thinking, “Why?” Again, after a long moment of silence, while typing on my keyboard, my common culprit is age. I’m just tired. Since I was in high school, I’ve been sitting all day reading volumes, and volumes of books about computers, and of course to master the skill, you need to have time to experiment and practice. Mind you, back then it was called Turbo Basic- a DOS program where you can write and create custom applications. I’ve seen the evolution of computers from 486 to Pentium 4, and I’ve been Bill Gates’ friend since its conception. There are two ironies that I found about computers. One is, it always develop. The good part about that is the learning process of a man doesn’t stop. It’s more like a life cycle, a wheel that keeps on turning and turning and man becomes more aware and turn something old into something new. If you’ll ask me, I love to learn new things especially when it excites me, for there is some form of silent fulfillment in my heart that I have accomplished something. The bad part is computers are costly (hehe). The truth is what I have learned before is now useless. It’s like a big part of my time in life has to be shredded to pieces. There are some things in life that we want to be as they were because we are contented with what we have; is that wrong? I guess, this is just a result of sleep deprivation and I’m just stuck between sweet dreams and nightmares. Maybe, today as I looked back, I regret those precious hours that I consumed that I may have done more important things, rather than spending all things for what? Money? Career? For everything in life has also an end, the wheel will soon break the cycle of life.

"I love you, but I can't hug you!"

I’m alone. In my house, in my room, and in my life. Sadness is a feeling that comes and goes, but the sad part is that it comes back again, and again, and again. It’s like Satan is picking me with his large fork while dangling in his horror house, well not exactly. The fact is, I have more times that I’m happy, with my friends, family, relatives and yes, even when I’m alone, in my house, in my room, and in my life. Joy comes on how you look at things in a positive way. For example, I lost 500 bucks. Even if I lost a lot of money, I still eat three times a day and even more. I sleep with a roof on my head and healthy as a cow. As they say, health is wealth. Being alone is the same thing. I don’t have to undergo worries on how to feed and raise a family. Like what Apostle Paul said that there are more things to worry about than of this world, and he was right. But, he also said that being solo is something more as a gift, like different talents for different individuals. I know myself, and being alone for life is a betrayer of me. I need someone to express my deepest feelings, thoughts or know that she needs my help and I would come to her rescue and be his knight in shining armor. I need to feel appreciated because I am human. My weaknesses is her strength, and hers mine. I believe and truly am convinced that God’s love is sufficient for me, but like every morning, I like to wake up and feel her arms around me. Someone to touch my lips and long for another night together. I always tell God, “I love you but I can’t hug you!”

Something's Burning

I woke up due to the smell of something burning. I got down and saw my mom opening the exhaust fan trying to save a recycled dish. I laid down on our sofa outside and continued on the dream that I was having. But, as always, as soon as I wake up, the dream just fades into blankness, forgotten. I had good dreams, I know and yet the story isn’t clear to tell, but I catch myself giggling during sleep. I never thought it was normal, but I miss the knowledge of having a pleasant sleep.

I did my usual routine, and readied to go and do some errands. While I was parked, when I finished my errand, the car just won’t start. Thinking, “Oh no! not now.” I instantly knew the car battery is at fault, and so I got out and tried to find a replacement. Fortunately, I saw a battery shop just across the road. I went in and asked for its cost. The woman gave me the prices for different models. Then, as I learned, I have to find another shop to compare and find the cheapest and most reliable. Therefore, I went to the nearest gasoline store and asked about the price, and found out it’s cheaper by 200 bucks. But, I have to pay for the charges for the services of the mechanic worth 350. I thought, the other option is to recharge the battery, which will only cost 50, and bring the car to the gasoline station to buy a cheaper replacement without paying for the mechanic. The option is sound until the guy told me that the battery is dead and it can’t be charged anymore. So, I have no alternative but to buy a new one. After paying for the product, I later found out that the guy haven’t plug the machine that gauges if the battery still works. “I’ve been cheated!” I thought. Well, obviously I learned a lesson. “You can’t trust anyone anymore these days.”

Occasionally, I teach and aid my nephew in his assignments. This is not the first time I taught children, for I’ve experience teaching to young students back then when I was high school in Sunday schools. It requires special attention and careful preparation, especially if you don’t have any knowledge of what to teach. I teach by the book, but I learned that experience is the best teacher. Teaching requires skill, passion, love and a lot of patience because not every student is a genius or has the size of the brain of Einstein. But of course, some are exceptional, students who would even teach us teachers something.

My nephew relayed me a story about his younger sister who already knows how to use the zipper of his bag and make canvasses of his books. While we were busy doing his homework, we needed to get his other book, and so he asked his 2 year old sister to get his bag. The small bundle of joy hurriedly went off to follow the command of his older brother. Surprisingly, she got back immediately handing to her brother a small, orange, plastic ball. We just both laughed our heads off!

Praying Courage

I was sitting all day in front of the computer, getting worried that it will eat up all my time and never experience the rays of sunshine outside. Just to make my computer secure, I need to frequently update all my software, such as anti-virus, anti-spyware, anti-adware, and maybe even protect myself from the anti-Christ as far as I know. It took me grueling hours from downloading on my humble dial-up modem, which is fast becoming an antique, or let’s put it nicely, a classic. After everything has been updated, I scanned my computer, which will take another ice age to finish, suddenly it crashed. So, I connected to the customer service and made a live chat with the technician. She asked me some questions, which I promptly answered, then again suddenly I got disconnected to find out I ran out of surfing time with my prepaid card. Fortunately, a thought came over me and took control of me and started to fix the problem of my own. I looked at the filename where the scanning stopped and searched it manually. After another hours or so, a breakthrough! I found the problem files and deleted them, then I ran the scanning software again and viola! It worked. Problem solved, and it’s already dark outside. It’s like I missed the sun again and greeted ‘hello’ to the moon.

My mom is shouting again at me downstairs, telling me that dad is inviting us to dine out. I shouted back, “Yes!” But, still busy doing some maintenance with the computer figuring out how to make it run faster. Don’t get me wrong my computer is just months old, and it can still run as fast as Lone Ranger’s Silver. I love my computer, not intimately, but I got memories of my own recorded songs in it. I love music. If I can only steal some money from a bank, I’ll buy an IPod.

It’s at noon in the evening. I got dressed and went out with my mom. I was wondering why it’s seems that the night is darker than the previous night. The moon is still there, but there was no light emanating from the lamp posts throughout our neighborhood. “I guess we’re back in the dark ages,” I thought. My mom told me that my neighbors are not paying for the bills due to our subdivision, and so the nice people in our bright city just cut us off. It’s already Valentine’s Day and we still don’t have a president for our subdivision. No one even dared to become one because they knew the nightmare their facing- collecting bills. I know that living is getting harder these days, and people are tightening their belts, wishing that one day bills will just vanish into thin air or get burned in hell.

We are sitting inside a newly opened restaurant, when I got the impression that bills is just hiding behind the counters waiting to devour another victim. My parents and I talked about the up coming appointments and schedules and how it will affect my boring life, stuff like that. Then I saw a popular journalist of the Inquirer eating with her family (I guess). They are also our church mates. I just found out that she writes about sports. So, I shared the boxing I watched on TV the other night, which is quite interesting because the challenger lost on just round two. The challenger was so frustrated that he even tried to knockout the referee. I don’t really know why I watch boxing because it’s downright cruel. You’re hurting your opponent physically and that’s not sports.

Before we get to eat, we always say a small prayer of thanks. While we are praying, the waiter did not even noticed us and disrupted us by placing plates and utensils on the table. To be honest, I got a little upset for the intrusion. I mean, nobody do pray anymore nowadays that people don’t expect other people to pray first before they eat? Sadly, it’s true. I think that even some so-called Christians are too embarrassed to pray in public. It’s scary because God explicitly told us not to be ashamed of Him or He will never call us His own and kick us out from heaven. You might not know, but so many people have died because of their faith. They’ve been persecuted by throwing them in prison, abused, whipped, beheaded and even forced them to give up their faith. But, they fought up to the end of their lives, never embarrassed and never forsaken.

Winter Vacation

Today is the second month of a new year, and I’m not getting any younger. Sigh, another year older. While listening to Michael Learns to Rock on headphones, I was thinking back, “What happened the year before? Was it good or everything is just getting worse?” I had my winter vacation at my aunt’s home in London. Until now, I still can’t believe I traveled 13 hours by plane, light years away from home. On top of that, I took a packaged vacation alone! I’ve always dreamt of going to places or traveling around the world capturing the magnificence of God’s creations. I’ve seen the famous Stonehenge; I’ve seen the Roman Baths; the Salisbury Cathedral, the calm waters of Gretna Green, Scotland, York, and other parts of UK. They were all breath-taking that I got everything on video. I met very interesting people along the way, Cubans, Malaysians, Filipinos, but mostly Australians. They were all very kind and courteous and have some story to tell that really made the trip fun. The tour director seemed to have memorized the whole almanac! If only I have good memory or had written down those true stories of lies and deceit, greatness and despair. People from different time and places that have suffered, and challenged by grand ordeals, and came out as one in the history books whose names became immortal.

Last year was just like yesterday, and the memories that lingered in my head about the trip was evident that I was looking for something. I got to know my aunt a little better; I got to see my cousin, who is already a grown woman, and my uncle who took me to places that I’ve never seen, with some occasional jokes of course. I can vividly remember me staring longer that it has to be on people’s faces especially to women. “Ah, foreign beauty,” just like the title of a song. When I came to have the grasp or sense of the surroundings there, I felt really sorry for my home land; thinking that it should have been like this or better than this, if only my countrymen will change and be more respectful to everyone because back home, nobody really take serious of some of the laws imposed, I mean, garbage are everywhere, people cross the street anywhere they want and whenever they want, or the pirated CDs that is flagrantly displayed on sidewalks. My discipler was right that I might be discouraged, thinking that there could be a better place, a better world to live in than my home like software updates offering better features. There is something we could learn from famous people who lived long ago like Alexander the Great, or Moses, or Einstein, is that they were just individuals- frail, persons with weaknesses and dreams, whom we thought can never make a difference in the world, but the rest was history and proved us wrong. The change should start in us, and do something.